I can’t shake the feeling that I’m failing my community by not getting over this breakup. It’s been a month and I’m still fixated on the way the breakup happened and the fact that M won’t communicate with me when all of this could have been avoided if she’d just communicated with me openly and honestly in the beginning.

My world was turned upside down. It spurred me to reflect on myself and my actions. That resulted in me writing a poem. I posted the poem and got positive feedback and started sharing my story with people who’d been through the same situation when their partners didn’t take them seriously about being autistic. I got determined to share my process of recovery and discovery so that others could might see what I went through if they end up in a similar situation. The challenge at this point is staying motivated when every other day I go through dramatic shifts in how I feel about the situation.

One day, I’m pissed because my partner didn’t trust me. The next I’m overly concerned with my abuser an how she’s dealing after the temper tantrum she threw before kicking me out of our home for no reason. The I get pissed because she lied to me and said I was safe with her. She started treating me like shit because she wasn’t getting her emotional needs met. I tried to tell her what I needed in order to be able to meet her needs emotionally and she ignored me, dismissed my concerns, and gaslighted me. If she’d just fucking listened none of this shit would have happened.