This site, NDEnd is about my journey to deal with the fallout of relationships that failed in large part due to a lack of empathy and understanding about my Neuro-Divergence (ND). My hope is that I can:
- Heal from the trauma of the breakup
- Provide insight into the issues that occurred in this relationship and others that seem particular to Neuro-Diverse relationships (Neuro-Diverse meaning more than one Neuro-Type)
- Be a sounding board for people on both sides of the ND/NT divide.
The site name “NDEnd” is a reference to:
- Neuro-Diverse relationships Ending
- In the End — the phrase “in the end” is a homophone of the site name. One of the more vitriolic poem I’d started writing focused on the fact that after all of the platitudes and bullshit, after I gave my partner what she demanded, she rejected and discarded me “in the end”
- “Neuro-Divergent” Ending — or more so me ending the practice of telling people that I’m Neuro-Divergent. By that I mean using the phrase as a catchall that I later explain. Now I tell people that I’m autistic. Once that is established, I explain that I’m also Neuro-Divergent in other ways. I think part of the problem with M. is that I masked so well that she never took it seriously when I tried to explain to her that I need a certain amount of patience and understanding.
The idea for the site came about after the end of a relationship that was very important to me. I’d posted a poem I wrote called “I was never safe with you” to a group dedicated to fellow autistics and the response was overwhelmingly positive.
People asked me about the poem, the relationship, and how I planned to manage relationships and dating in the future. There was good healthy discussion about things like whether we tell someone explicitly upfront that we are “different” than NT (Neuro-Typical) people; how we cope with people dismissing/invalidating us when we tell them and more. As a result of that discussion, I decided to grieve in public.
Part of that requires me to be fully transparent and honest about my part in the demise of the relationship and the petty and hurtful things I did when I felt shutout and unheard. I’m not proud of the things I did that I knew would cause harm to the person I love(d).
Public grief not public shaming
I want to be clear here that I do not have any desire to publicly shame the person who on the other side of the relationship that prompted this whole thing. I still love her and even if I didn’t, I don’t believe in causing needless harm.
I will not be sharing the persons name. Any images I upload will be scrubbed of identifying details to the best of my ability. If they choose to share this site with others obviously those others will know who the person is but I can’t control that.
I would love to think that M. (my ex) would take a look at this site and finally hear what I’d been trying to tell her about who I am. Unfortunately, I know the likelihood of that is very low. Part of that is my fault. I was a dick after the break up. I felt unheard and shutout and her behavior was abusive. I decided to return the favor. Her abuse was came from ignorance, as far as I can tell. Mine came from hurt and trauma. I wish I could take it back but there’s not reset button or loading from a previous save file in real life.