I got a comment about two weeks ago where someone asked what I mean when I say that the aftermath of the PTS episode resulted in a complete dis-regulation of my unconscious masking and now I’m semi-non-verbal at times.
I’m feeling every nanometer of my skin and the clothing sliding against it, the hair on my head, the hair brushing my neck and shoulders. I feel every place my glasses touch my face and I have a constant feeling of almost shivering despite not being cold.
It doesn’t happen all the time but this is an example of how bad it can get when I’m anxious and overwhelmed. I was just in a meeting with work and the discussion turned to the project I was removed from because of communication (ironic I know). It’s a charged topic given that the reason communication became a problem was the PTS episode itself.
I’d planned to record a video saying “this is the kind of thing that happens when I say my autistic traits unmask themselves that didn’t happen before”. The idea was to capture some of the ticks and “clicks, pops, and grunts”, the swaying and such. Thinking about it in the aftermath of looking through text messages from M during that last week where she was very abusive triggered a complete meltdown. This is me trying to be verbal when my brain is overwhelmed.