- As a black man don’t you feel a responsibility to help keep people out of the system?
- No, as a black man I have a desire (not a responsibility) to help keep good people out of the system. I do not feel the same about bullies and abusers. Also, I think you’re stretching a bit. Sure an order of protection is a record in “the system” but it’s not like like a conviction.
- Will you share the contents of the petitions?
- Currently the content of the petition in Illinois is “confidential” once it’s posted it will be public record and that version can be viewed by anyone. I don’t feel a need to have it posted here but maybe I’ll attach it to the other site
- How does Meghan relate to the order of protection?
- I have no idea. You tell me. I never mentioned her name at all in discussing the order of protection. You lost me
- Are you worried about people alienating you for trying to clear you name?
- First, I’m not trying to “clear my name” I’m trying to set the record straight. There is a subtle difference. Clearing my name would be like trying to wipe off the dirt and then move on. Setting the record straight is about the truth being known whether good, bad, or indifferent. If I’m an ass let it be known that I’m an ass. I don’t care if you hate me. I only care that you hate me for something I actually did.
- Why did you file the same thing in two different places?
- I didn’t. The statutes are different between Illinois and Wisconsin. I filed in Illinois because I had standing and I’m a resident of Illinois. I am also a resident of the state of Wisconsin so I get to file there in the venue where I have a residence. I also have the option of filing in the venue where the offense(s) occurred. This means that I can shop for the most advantageous venue (with caveats) . Since it occurred in Walworth Cty and I have a residence in Waukesha, I filed in both. If one misses the other might hit.
- How long before you find out if you got it?
- I have no idea. I don’t know how the holiday docket runs and I finished my paperwork around 3:30am which is within the 72-hour emergency consideration window but I do’t know what that looks like this time of year.
- Do you really think you need an order of protection?
- Well, yes. To be clear for those that don’t know what happened, here is a summary: we met, we fell in love, we moved in together, the became psychologically abusive and kicked me out of our home for no reason and fucked with me psychologically to the point that I though I’d done something wrong because she used knowledge of my past trauma against me.
- After she discarded me she knowingly engaged in crazy-making behaviors (deliberately misinterpreting what I’d said, twisting my words, et al)..
- I spent 6 months dealing with the psychological and emotional fallout of her unprovoked attack on my psyche. I gained 30 points then lost 45, neither intentionally. I couldn’t sleep without nightmares, I lost the ability to regulate my sensory input, I started being overwhelmed to the point that I started having tourers like outbursts or some refer to as “clicks, pops, and grunts”. For 6 months I replayed her abusive and shitty treatment to me because I have OCD and that shit just doesn’t stop.
- Out the blue she says some seemingly benign shit after leaving me hanging and causing me panic attacks? That’s abuse intended to manipulate and I’m having no part of it She had her chance to talk to me back before she told me to stop messaging her. She wasted her opportunity and I’m not giving her another one.
- Do you get pleasure out of publicly shaming people?
- No. Go read the About page for this site. I had found a community and kept her name out of everything. I refer to her a M here. I specifically avoided publicly shaming her. She decided to reach out to me after 6 months of zero contact, the silent treatment, mental abuse, kicking me out of our home, etc with a bullshit manipulative message like that? If her message had been “I’m sorry it was shitty for me to treat you that way, I’m goin to get help”, I would. have at least heard her out. But this bullshit?!?! Fuck that
- Also, I’m not publicly shaming her. I’n publicly standing up for myself. As Jules Winfield would say: If you fear public shaming then perhaps you should cease being a shameful person
- What is your biggest regret about the restraining order?
- That I wasn’t able to help M before she created a problem for herself. Contrary to what she and her circle probably think, I was madly in love with her. To this day I still love the person I knew. I think it’s unfortunate that people seem unwilling to confront her about her bullshit. I think perhaps Meghan was too fucked in the head from her issues to say anything. I can’t expect Gavin and his brother to say anything to their mother. Hell I stood up to my mother about boundaries and didn’t speak to me for 6 months.
- The same of it is that M told me she was a shitty person before and had changed. I don’t think she understands how short she fell of the goal but apparently she went from very shitty to only ableist bully, psychological abusive – shitty which is commendable progress. I saw her reminder on her phone once to take a minute for gratitude. That shows dedication and a sincere desire to be a better person. I tried to do everything I could to help her be the person she said she wanted to be even if that meant saying things to her that were uncomfortable at the time. The one thing I wasn’t going to do is let her walk all over me. The minute I made that clear she attacked me and discarded me so… my conscience is clear
- What is the first thing you plan to do if you prevail?
- There is a highway sign just outside of Burlington, near her sister’s place. I was thinking of taking out an ad there and having it say something like “This is the face of a domestic abuser” with the case number. I just don’t know what the cost is.
- On a more practical note, I plan to go around living my life. I wish I could say “… like I used to” but unfortunately I’m nowhere near as comfortable in public as I used to be. I used to love socializing because it gave me a chance to connect with people and challenge myself. Now I get so anxious that sometimes words that I should know just sound like jibberish and I panic. I hope to be able to go the places I used to go to without being afeared that she’ll show up and approach me or that I’ll have to leave because she happens to be there and decides to feign the role of victim. It’s small comfort but I’ll take what I can get.
- Aren’t you just playing the victim now that you have the upper hand?
- Nope! I don’t believe in playing the victim. I’ve dealt with my autism, OCD, and ADHD on my own for the entirety of my existence. I never wanted to burden others with even the knowledge that I’m different, not because I was afraid of being marked but because I never wanted others to worry about me and my needs. Anyone who knows me knows that I’d much rather tend to the needs of others than my own, let alone have others tend to me or mine.
- I told Meghan right after the break up that I could never be friends with M after what she pulled. That was back in June or July. Meghan, being the beacon of intellect that she is completely disregarded and/or invalidated what I was saying. I was content to let it alone and deal with it.