I don’t subscribe to the idea of self hatred but I do relate the the concepts and feelings discussed therewith. I definitely relate to the feeling of being a burden and the whole acceptance complex.

Part of what I’m struggling with in the breakup with M is that she told me that I was safe with her. I told her that it meant so much to me because I’m often misunderstood because my brain is different and that, to me, her saying that meant that we could be ourselves and know that the other person wouldn’t think the worst or refuse to communicate. In the end, she shutdown communication and kicked me out all for me being myself. What I’ve taken away from that experience is that I can’t trust people who say they accept who I am. I’m a a burden and most people won’t put up with me just like M chose to discard me when my mask developed cracks and the real me showed.