Lawyer asked me for docs and copies of text messages. Going through them is triggering flashbacks. I don’t know whether to keep going or stop.

I’m getting a nauseated feeling in my stomach. My sensory input sensitivity is at an 11 out of ten. Just sitting here typing this on my phone, my legs can’t sit still because my skin feels every little gust of wind. It’s easier to drown out the input by bouncing my legs so that my pants create a bit of friction.

I keep replaying the conversation in my head where she tells me that I’ve changed my views. I’m confused, looking to my “partner” for a sign of compassion or affection and all I see is hostility and disdain. “But you told me I was safe with you” I want to say but the words won’t come out. “You told me we could talk through any issue with open and honest communication” I think. I’m gutted. Why would she tell me I’m safe with her then abuse me and discard me?

You told me I was safe. I opened up.

You told me I was safe, that you wouldn’t jump to conclusions, yet that’s exactly what you did.

You told me I was safe with you

Why couldn’t you just be open and honest like we agreed we’d be for each other?