I have had about 4 hours of malaise followed by extreme bouts of nihilism and sorrow. The cycles goes something like this:
- There’s stuff to be done. I should start getting to it
- Oh! To get stuff done I need to get some supplies from the store
- Going to the store means interacting with people.
- Those people are probably Neuro-Typical
- Neuro-Typical people don’t get me.
- They constantly misunderstand me and judge me for the things I do that are normal for autistics like me
- I can get through the interaction at the register if I just keep my head down and don’t engage in conversation
- What if they greet me at the door and ask if I need help?
- Not worth going to the store.
- People lie
- They tell you things like “you can trust me” and “you’re safe with me” which are lies
- I could order supplies online but that means not getting things done until the supplies get here
- Maybe I an deal with people in a few minutes after I calm down and get into a better state of mind
- <<after a few hours>>
- ok. Let’s go to the store
- GOTO: point 3 above
During the few hours in point 7 there’s pacing, crying, self-loathing, contemplation, resolve to not give up, and more pacing.