I was a dick to M after she ended things. I’m not proud of what I did but here let’s get it all out in the open. There that’s the list of intentionally shitty things I did after she kicked me out of our home. I’ve apologized. I tried to explain to her that I…

“When are you going to trust me?” That’s what M asked me one day when I told her that I want to compliment her on her looks and tell her how sexy she is constantly but that I have an apprehension that it will come across wrong because of my alexithymia (emotional blindness). It was…

Today I discovered that the disconnect I experienced with M not only has a name but that the name is Cassandra Syndrome. Ironic to me as one of the first comments I got on my post (the poem on the autism group) said “…textbook Cassandra scenario, sorry brother…” Like, it was great finding out that…

I have had about 4 hours of malaise followed by extreme bouts of nihilism and sorrow. The cycles goes something like this: During the few hours in point 7 there’s pacing, crying, self-loathing, contemplation, resolve to not give up, and more pacing.

This is a great break down of the anecdotal experience many people have with Emotional Blindness. My experience is quite different but parts of what she discusses really resonate with me. This video on the other hand brings it all home. The part where she discusses the example of two people having lunch is exactly…

For those of you who have found this place because of the poem I posted, thank you. I appreciate you stopping by. As I don’t advertise this little corner of solace. I don’t expect to see many visitors in my server logs but am pleasantly surprised when the number of visitors increases. Let’s be better…

Today I got taken off a project at work because I’ve been “…too distracted and melancholy…” I can’t blame them. I was getting the work done but communicating about it was an issue. When I go through PTS episodes I lose the ability to mask. My autistic traits become more pronounced. I do more fidgeting.…

I don’t subscribe to the idea of self hatred but I do relate the the concepts and feelings discussed therewith. I definitely relate to the feeling of being a burden and the whole acceptance complex. Part of what I’m struggling with in the breakup with M is that she told me that I was safe…

Fuck it! I need help. Years of therapy to deal with childhood trauma and abuse then therapy for relationship problems then therapy for fallout from abuse as an adult. Now therapy because the relationship that I thought would be forever ended without me even having an opportunity to say anything about it. I though the…

Someone from the main autism group I’m in suggested that I script a conversation with M. I guess the idea is to have the conversation that I wish we’d had before things got to the point of no return. A number of people said it helped them get closure by having the conversation they were…